A Man And A Flamingo Walk Into A Dinner. A Twisted Ending

A man walks into a dinner with a full-grown flamingo. The waiterasks them, "What are you going to order?" The man replies by saying, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," Then he turns to the flamngo and askes, "'What's yours?"

'I'll have the same,' says the flamingo.

"That will be $9.40 please," the waiter says to them, as the man goes into his pocket to retrieve the exact change needed to pay.

When the guy and the flamingo return to the dinner the following day, he orders a hamburger, fries, and a coke.

"I'll have the same," declares the flamingo.

Once more, the man takes out exact change from his pocket to make his payment.

Up until the two enter again, this becomes regular.

"The usual?" inquires the waiter.

"No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a salad, baked potato, and steak," the man replies.

"Two," responds the flamingo.

The waiter arrives shortly with the order and states, "That will be $32.62."

The man takes out his pocket, finds the exact change, and sets it down on the table once more.

The waitress can no longer contain her interest.

"Pardon me, sir. How do you always find just the right amount of change in your pocket?"

"Well, several years ago, I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp," the man begins. I rubbed it, and a Genie sprang to life, granting me two wishes. My first desire was that I could always just put my hand in my pocket and have the correct amount of money available if I ever needed to pay for anything."

The waitress exclaimed, "That's awesome! You'll always be as wealthy as you want for as long as you live, unlike most people who would beg for a million dollars or something. How astute of you!

"You're correct. "The precise amount of money is always there, whether it's a Rolls Royce or a gallon of milk," the man declares with pride.

"But, what's that flamingo all about?" inquires the waiter.

"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agrees with everything I say," the man replies, sighing and pausing with a sorrowful heart.

TWISTED ENDING: Men's brains work brilliant until they start thinking about a woman!!

Is The Post Office In The Same Way To Heaven

A man asked a kid the way to the post office (His response is hysterical)

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of Morrisons Store.

As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked,

"Son, can You tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied,

"Sure! Just go straight down this street and at the end turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said,

"I'm the new minister in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get To Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle.

"Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the Post”

A Man Needs A Push At 3:00 O'clock In The Morning

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3 AM.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.

He opens the door and there is man standing at the door.

It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost, it's 3 AM. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk." says the husband.

"It doesn't matter." says the wife.

"He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.

He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing."

How Much Money Can A Veterinarian Make Running A Cat House

One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

Why yes,” she replied, “every week my daughter sends me money and I give some of it to the church.

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this.. How much does he send you.

The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.

The pastor was amazed. Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living.

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice.

The woman answered proudly, In Nevada. He has two cathouses – one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.